happy dog dreams

happy dog dreams

It has recently come to my attention that I am very happy living in the little shack of horrors. In case you didn’t know, last year I emerged from a 9 year relationship in which we lived together for about 8 years. owning property together and all.  I’ve decided to explain why I love living alone, in case others have been lucky enough to take upon this lifestyle choice.

1. You can sing while washing the dishes and nobody judges. Except maybe my dog, who does have a habit of running under the bed when I hit high notes. I never said I was a good singer.

2. The refrigerator science experiments have ended. Oftentimes, other people leave gelatinous objects in the fridge called leftovers and then neglect to clean out said refrigerator. This is no longer a problem for me, nor am I forced to clean IKEA plastic tubs of the most vile secretions known to man. The leftover food is normally eaten within a day or two, or if Gumby gets lucky, he gets to finish the leftovers.

3. Non-judgy TV time. If I decide to spend way too many hours watching the National Geographic channel, nobody judges the amount of bad television that I ingest. likewise, you can always watch what you want and never have to appease the crowd. On all the televisions too! ALL THE TVS ARE MINE!

4. Saturday morning sleep! You never hear anyone else banging upon the kitchen way too early on weekend mornings. Occasionally the dog will bark at people walking by with suspicious canines, but for the most part, he’s on his back dreaming happy dog dreams.

5. Bathroom cleaning is so much easier with just one person.  Of course, I do have to remove the dog who likes to sleep right between the path from the door to the toilet, but turning on a faucet makes him run for the couch, out of misplaced bath anxiety.

6. Trader Joe’s is really for single people. Want a five star Indian meal? Trader Joe’s delivers the best and somewhat healthy food to your dinner table in seconds. I just need to wean myself away from the Powerberries candy, which I suspect may be laced with opiates.

7. You can have full on conversations with yourself, and nobody will notice. When I write copy for work, i find that I tend to correct mistakes much better if I stop and read the paragraphs and sentences out loud. This can be disconcerting for housemates. Accents are always optional in this endeavor.

8. Gaming time is whenever I want it to be. If I want to run a dungeon in Tyria on a Saturday night with other like minded geeks, I am not hassled by leaving the house for social plans, which invariably consisted of me standing around awkwardly trying to figure out conversation paths.

9. Crackers, hummus and cheese can be construed as dinner. Similarly, Nutella can be used in place of anything.

10. It is very peaceful. I no longer have to cope or care for other’s moods, feelings or arguments over stupid things like remotes, leftover science experiments, and snoring. The dog may need some petting after dinner and stuffed squirrel play time, but there are no raised voices or hurt feelings. Occasionally one may get a paw to the face, but that is an acceptable risk to living alone.




I have had some distressing news in the past few days.

I keep holding on to a quote from Henry James, from this letter:

We all live together, and those of us who love and know, live so most. We help each other—even unconsciously, each in our own effort, we lighten the effort of others, we contribute to the sum of success, make it possible for others to live. Sorrow comes in great waves—no one can know that better than you—but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it is strong we are stronger, inasmuch as it passes and we remain. It wears us, uses us, but we wear it and use it in return; and it is blind, whereas we after a manner see.

added note:

I left Vermont in January and have been working on rebuilding a shack to a new home. Its been a very long journey and I have said goodbye to the family that I built there. The relationship was broken, perhaps irrevocably from the beginning with long traditions of mistrust and jealousy, compounded with both living in a place were trying to fit in, together and alone was pegging a round hole into a square peg.

But thats the thing about family — some you create, some you are born into. When crisis strikes, all of the fears and misgivings fall away and you are left with strong bonds still there.  My ex is undergoing a health crisis, and no matter what happened between us, I still have this overwhelming urge to run up and give him a hug. All of my anger has disappeared, overnight, and what is replaced is a desperate desire for things to work out for him, and for his future.


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Got back from a business trip and my brother-in-law and brothers had been so busy patching and mudding the drywall.  they also replaced the very bowing front columns.

I went to Vermont for work this week, and I had a great time connecting with friends and co-workers.

The only flaw in the plan was that my little tiny city car hit a deep rut in the VERY MUDDY roads of the mountainside where I was staying. I own a Toyota Matrix, and while I usually love my car, they have all of these cheap plastic bumpers that make the car apparently more stylish. Yeah. Anyway, they have a habit of disconnecting when I connect with curbs, mountain roads and the occasionally misplaced snowbanks. Usually they pop right in, but this time, I could not get them to snap back in. Finally I checked the underside and there was clumps of mud clinging to the bumper weighing it down. After I made some sort of trowel like structure with my hands to unearth the giant clumps, I was able to snap the bumper back in place.



Things I have learned from living with my parents for the past few months. Keep in mind that I am 38 years old, and have been on my own since about 22, when I graduated college.

  1. Having an office in 1970s paneling will elicit comments from co-workers on Skype.
  2. The vintage colonial shutters are really annoying to let light in the room.
  3. 4:00PM is way too early to eat dinner, but apparently it is the perfect time for retirees.
  4. My mother believes that dyer sheets are evil, and I am still trying to get used to clothing that is always slightly stiff. And itchy.
  5. That is taking into account that I can do my own laundry. My mother keeps taking all of my dirty clothes before I can do a wash, so I appear to always be wearing the same clothes.
  6. I cannot also get them to realize that gluten is found in ALL pasta.
  7. My dog detests the dustmop. I don’t think he was ever confronted with one before, since I always just um. used the vacumn on the floor.
  8. The house phone is ALWAYS ringing. If confronted with a cell phone, the appropriate response is to apparently shout into the flipped out part. The house phone is the preferred method of communication.
  9. Since I own a computer, I know everything about them.
  10. My dog apparently is not fed enough. I feed him, then my father feeds him, and then my mother makes him gravy since he doesn’t appear to like his dog food. The dog has become a master manipulator of the situation, and now waits for the gravy train.
  11. Mail can’t be left on the mailbox for the postman to pick up, since it might blow away. You have to take it to a blue box. I’ve so been doing that wrong, but then again, I can’t remember when I last mailed anything.
  12. That I have really missed seeing them every day when I was living in Vermont.

I like to shop — especially for household goods. I left most of my kitchen ware and all of the bathroom stuff that I had owned in Burlington. But I took all my curtains. I horde curtains. I always feel a room is finished with the right set of draperies. When I tore down all of the curtains that were mine, I made sure to replace them with only the most garish and hideous that were left in the linen closet. Since the ex had the design aesthetic of a toadstool, I felt I was justified in my vindictive curtain shenanigans.

Since I am paying for a storage for the things I did take, like furniture and books, I have been trying to quell my inner shopper and buy things only on sale. Or are very small. However, I since I have been purchasing everything for the bathroom lately, I went online to see bathroom ensembles. This was clearly a mistake because I promptly became obsessed with a shower curtain which has a pattern of silvery gold dragonflies across it in the perfect shade of minty green.

I have a thing about dragonflies. They have symbolism is most places around the world and especially in Japan.

Maturity and a Depth of character
The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.

from: The Meaning of Dragonflies

I feel like the whole part of my life has been leading up to this change. Of course, I had to search three Bed Bath & Beyonds to find the curtain — and accessories in stock. One can not live on shower curtains alone.

Screen Shot 2013-03-20 at 10.05.20 AM

Now onto paint color!


I’ve been incredibly anxious for the past few months. Biting my nails down to the quick, overeating unhealthy food, craving chocolate and power-watching Sci-fi shows on my Kindle, and generally not sleeping. I don’t know if its the change or I think honestly, its the waiting that is slowly wearing me down. I made the decision, now I need to act on it. I stopped missing him about two days after he left, and frankly, I kinda don’t feel any different that when we were together. He wasn’t ever really there for me, in ways that counted. Sad to say after 8 years.

I will miss the daily interaction with my co-workers the most and the true friends that I have made here — they will be getting visits from me, that much I know.

I feel like I have been waiting for this fresh start for ages, and when I step out of the house on Saturday morning, and pack up the dog, the rest of my clothes, and the coffee-maker, I will be stepping into a new life. And that is an amazing thing.

And that step will not be into -12 degree weather.


After a long and painful battle of a relationship for the past eight years where I kept giving yet another chance to a man who cannot seem to commit to anything, much less a woman, I am moving back to the neighborhood where I grew up. When my parents first moved in, there were horses across the street. Through the years the neighborhood has been cleaned up, recycled, and now is bordering on vaguely industrial. There is a chance to purchase a house next door to my parent’s house, but it is clearly uninhabitable. There is no bathroom, hot water, heat or anything redeeming about the house  It was built in 1942, and is seriously small, with only one tiny bedroom. My first apartment was bigger than this place.

But, I have always been a HGTV and interior design junkie. When other kids were riding bikes and skinning knees, I was cutting out pages of catalogs to build my dream house decor. I could spend hours in IKEA and browsing furniture stores. Through the years, I have translated my artistic sense to a successful career as a graphic and web designer.

For the next few months, while we wait for the closing of the house, and for the mortgage of my current plastic-crated abode I will be living with my parents. That will be ..interesting? I haven’t lived with my parents in over 10 years.