It has recently come to my attention that I am very happy living in the little shack of horrors. In case you didn’t know, last year I emerged from a 9 year relationship in which we lived together for about 8 years. owning property together and all. I’ve decided to explain why I love living alone, in case others have been lucky enough to take upon this lifestyle choice.
1. You can sing while washing the dishes and nobody judges. Except maybe my dog, who does have a habit of running under the bed when I hit high notes. I never said I was a good singer.
2. The refrigerator science experiments have ended. Oftentimes, other people leave gelatinous objects in the fridge called leftovers and then neglect to clean out said refrigerator. This is no longer a problem for me, nor am I forced to clean IKEA plastic tubs of the most vile secretions known to man. The leftover food is normally eaten within a day or two, or if Gumby gets lucky, he gets to finish the leftovers.
3. Non-judgy TV time. If I decide to spend way too many hours watching the National Geographic channel, nobody judges the amount of bad television that I ingest. likewise, you can always watch what you want and never have to appease the crowd. On all the televisions too! ALL THE TVS ARE MINE!
4. Saturday morning sleep! You never hear anyone else banging upon the kitchen way too early on weekend mornings. Occasionally the dog will bark at people walking by with suspicious canines, but for the most part, he’s on his back dreaming happy dog dreams.
5. Bathroom cleaning is so much easier with just one person. Of course, I do have to remove the dog who likes to sleep right between the path from the door to the toilet, but turning on a faucet makes him run for the couch, out of misplaced bath anxiety.
6. Trader Joe’s is really for single people. Want a five star Indian meal? Trader Joe’s delivers the best and somewhat healthy food to your dinner table in seconds. I just need to wean myself away from the Powerberries candy, which I suspect may be laced with opiates.
7. You can have full on conversations with yourself, and nobody will notice. When I write copy for work, i find that I tend to correct mistakes much better if I stop and read the paragraphs and sentences out loud. This can be disconcerting for housemates. Accents are always optional in this endeavor.
8. Gaming time is whenever I want it to be. If I want to run a dungeon in Tyria on a Saturday night with other like minded geeks, I am not hassled by leaving the house for social plans, which invariably consisted of me standing around awkwardly trying to figure out conversation paths.
9. Crackers, hummus and cheese can be construed as dinner. Similarly, Nutella can be used in place of anything.
10. It is very peaceful. I no longer have to cope or care for other’s moods, feelings or arguments over stupid things like remotes, leftover science experiments, and snoring. The dog may need some petting after dinner and stuffed squirrel play time, but there are no raised voices or hurt feelings. Occasionally one may get a paw to the face, but that is an acceptable risk to living alone.