happy dog dreams

happy dog dreams

It has recently come to my attention that I am very happy living in the little shack of horrors. In case you didn’t know, last year I emerged from a 9 year relationship in which we lived together for about 8 years. owning property together and all.  I’ve decided to explain why I love living alone, in case others have been lucky enough to take upon this lifestyle choice.

1. You can sing while washing the dishes and nobody judges. Except maybe my dog, who does have a habit of running under the bed when I hit high notes. I never said I was a good singer.

2. The refrigerator science experiments have ended. Oftentimes, other people leave gelatinous objects in the fridge called leftovers and then neglect to clean out said refrigerator. This is no longer a problem for me, nor am I forced to clean IKEA plastic tubs of the most vile secretions known to man. The leftover food is normally eaten within a day or two, or if Gumby gets lucky, he gets to finish the leftovers.

3. Non-judgy TV time. If I decide to spend way too many hours watching the National Geographic channel, nobody judges the amount of bad television that I ingest. likewise, you can always watch what you want and never have to appease the crowd. On all the televisions too! ALL THE TVS ARE MINE!

4. Saturday morning sleep! You never hear anyone else banging upon the kitchen way too early on weekend mornings. Occasionally the dog will bark at people walking by with suspicious canines, but for the most part, he’s on his back dreaming happy dog dreams.

5. Bathroom cleaning is so much easier with just one person.  Of course, I do have to remove the dog who likes to sleep right between the path from the door to the toilet, but turning on a faucet makes him run for the couch, out of misplaced bath anxiety.

6. Trader Joe’s is really for single people. Want a five star Indian meal? Trader Joe’s delivers the best and somewhat healthy food to your dinner table in seconds. I just need to wean myself away from the Powerberries candy, which I suspect may be laced with opiates.

7. You can have full on conversations with yourself, and nobody will notice. When I write copy for work, i find that I tend to correct mistakes much better if I stop and read the paragraphs and sentences out loud. This can be disconcerting for housemates. Accents are always optional in this endeavor.

8. Gaming time is whenever I want it to be. If I want to run a dungeon in Tyria on a Saturday night with other like minded geeks, I am not hassled by leaving the house for social plans, which invariably consisted of me standing around awkwardly trying to figure out conversation paths.

9. Crackers, hummus and cheese can be construed as dinner. Similarly, Nutella can be used in place of anything.

10. It is very peaceful. I no longer have to cope or care for other’s moods, feelings or arguments over stupid things like remotes, leftover science experiments, and snoring. The dog may need some petting after dinner and stuffed squirrel play time, but there are no raised voices or hurt feelings. Occasionally one may get a paw to the face, but that is an acceptable risk to living alone.




photo (1)So the only part about ripping out all of the walls, floors, shingles, bathroom, kitchen, appliances, electrical, insulation and more is that you have quite a bit of trash collected up. This weekend was gorgeous, so we set to work cleaning up the yard as best we could. We have one dumpster completely filled and the second one is standing empty for more trash. The house is getting ready for vinyl siding, as you can see by the photo above.

My dog has been helping, as we have discovered an extensive network of groundhog burrows throughout the yard. They have no fear of us, and calmly walk about their business in the middle of the construction zone, content in their yearly forecasting lies. Gumby is now on groundhog patrol 24/7.

photo (2)

Things I have learned from living with my parents for the past few months. Keep in mind that I am 38 years old, and have been on my own since about 22, when I graduated college.

  1. Having an office in 1970s paneling will elicit comments from co-workers on Skype.
  2. The vintage colonial shutters are really annoying to let light in the room.
  3. 4:00PM is way too early to eat dinner, but apparently it is the perfect time for retirees.
  4. My mother believes that dyer sheets are evil, and I am still trying to get used to clothing that is always slightly stiff. And itchy.
  5. That is taking into account that I can do my own laundry. My mother keeps taking all of my dirty clothes before I can do a wash, so I appear to always be wearing the same clothes.
  6. I cannot also get them to realize that gluten is found in ALL pasta.
  7. My dog detests the dustmop. I don’t think he was ever confronted with one before, since I always just um. used the vacumn on the floor.
  8. The house phone is ALWAYS ringing. If confronted with a cell phone, the appropriate response is to apparently shout into the flipped out part. The house phone is the preferred method of communication.
  9. Since I own a computer, I know everything about them.
  10. My dog apparently is not fed enough. I feed him, then my father feeds him, and then my mother makes him gravy since he doesn’t appear to like his dog food. The dog has become a master manipulator of the situation, and now waits for the gravy train.
  11. Mail can’t be left on the mailbox for the postman to pick up, since it might blow away. You have to take it to a blue box. I’ve so been doing that wrong, but then again, I can’t remember when I last mailed anything.
  12. That I have really missed seeing them every day when I was living in Vermont.

I’ve been spending a crazy amount of time attempting to recover from a flu-allergy-crazy virus, in which it did not decrease my craving for chocolate, but I have had a headache slightly smaller than the state of Alaska.

I’ve been attempting to recover in-between bouts of throwing snowballs for my dog. He attempts to chase down every snowflake that I send sailing into the backyard. It is a strangely gratifying pastime, especially since he sometimes losing the snowball, spends a good five minutes rooting about in the unending blanket of white that is Vermont, looking all the while like “it was just here, wasn’t it?”

My dog also has become a Russian Instagram star. I’m not sure why those in Russia love him, but he gets more likes than I will ever get.

The Gumby

He sleeps with his paws in the air. It can be rather unnerving.